How Happily Ever After is Done, Pamphlet-style

This is the post you've all been waiting for. The one-time-only, big ticket reveal of the Pamphlet secret that just might be the biggest reason for the successful relationships Blue and I have shared as a married couple and as parents. There's more, of course, but this single activity, in my belief, carries a large share of the credit for the almost charmed existence we live. Are you ready?

It's so simple it seems ridiculous that it could be so important, but it was. For the first year or two of our dating relationship, Blue and I spent many long hours playing what we call The Question Game. The rules are easy.

1. Play any game you want in which there is a clear winner. We used Scrabble, Go Fish, Poker*, Chess, Trivial Pursuit, rummy, and many others.
2. The winner of each game/round/hand gets to ask the loser 1 question. ANY question. And the loser MUST answer, and must answer honestly.

See how simple that is? And yet so profound. It transformed our dating years into one giant, fun-filled interview for Who Wants to be Married Happily Ever After. Through that game we explored our childhoods, our morals, our beliefs and convictions, the kind of spouses and parents we wanted to become, how we would handle challenging issues as a couple and as a family. We grew to understand how each of us thought in different ways but could arrive at compatible conclusions, and it taught us how to argue/disagree with respect and love. We got to know each other so deeply we knew what the other thought, dreamed about, hoped for, was ashamed of, liked, hated, and desired. The Question Game had no boundaries, no off-limits zone. We talked about our most embarrassing moments, our sexual fantasies and fears, our views on religion and on politics. We even questioned each other about what values we wanted to pass on to our future children regarding sex/abstinence, religious tolerance, and how we feel about drug use. And while (of course) we didn't come up with all the "right" or "perfect" answers for how to live our lives together, we learned invaluable lessons about how to communicate together and relate to each other. It opened our eyes and hearts and got us off to a good start.

So what does this mean to all of you? Maybe nothing. But maybe there's a way our game can be incorporated in your current or future relationships. Invent your own version, whether you're in a new relationship or one that's well established. I'm fairly sure it can't do any harm, and it might do a little bit of good, or else just be good plain fun.

*Intimate couples: for a really revealing night of Question Game, trying playing it with Strip Poker! Somebody will be baring more than just their soul that night! ;-)