I am an avid Hell's Kitchen fan. For those of you who don't know, it's a high-stress reality tv show about a bunch of so-called chefs with varying levels of experience all competing for a chance to own a stake in their very own restaurant where they would be the head chef, all under the direction of the infamous culinary bad boy, Gordon Ramsey. I love the way he takes a bunch of fairly ordinary people who are possessed of the very unrealistic notion that they are good enough to run a posh, five star restaurant, and whips them into shape until one of them actually is good enough. I love that he doesn't coddle anyone, I love that he swears like a sailor with a sexy British accent, and I love watching the delusion chef competitors sweat and cry and bitch and moan and actually improve into decent cooks.
This season's theme is Men vs. Women, which of course has me all pumped up for an exciting competition, since I know perfectly well that all the contestants suck at the beginning and both the men's and women's teams have an equal shot at becoming something great. What immediately soured me on some of the women's teammates was the way they bought into the whole stupid "we have something to prove because we're women" concept. "We've got to get out there and kick those guys' butts because we have to show the world that we're as good as they are." That's a bunch of bullshit. Raise your hand if you just read about a men vs. women challenge in the kitchen and immediately thought the women were at a disadvantage and had to "prove themselves." Any takers? Right. I don't see a lot of inequality in the kitchens of the world these days, folks. Both men and women cook in most families I know, and there are gifted cooks and biohazard-worthy representatives on both sides. Of course the men were making lots of sexist comments about how they had to beat the women, too. They irritated me as well, but not as much as when the women themselves become their own enemies.
Think about it, ladies. How many times have you heard a woman say something along the lines of what one chef contestant said tonight: "I've had six boys and I had them all naturally, and if I can do that I figure I can handle this."
Digest those words for a moment.
What the fuck is that saying?! "If I can do the one physical task for which my entire being has been evolved to perform without even thinking about it, then I can do this to." Way to go, lady! Pin a fucking medal on that one! Why is childbirth the defining achievement in a woman's life? I defy you to find one single mother on the planet who would think for an instant that the birthing was more difficult than, say, the actual raising of the child, or the balancing of the needs of the child with the financial needs of the family, or the juggling of the child and the husband and the housework, and so on, and so on. Childbirth was the simplest, most natural part of the job, the one thing we do with our children that we hardly have to think about. That baby's coming out, one way or another. Millions of mothers with every disadvantage you can think of manage this task every day, mostly without doctors or even labor partners or a clean floor to lay on, bless their hearts. Is that the measuring stick we want to use to challenge ourselves to achieve greatness? Do you ever hear men say, "If I can whack off five times in the same day, I can definitely handle this." Or, "Hell, if he can pee standing up this task is a piece of cake." No one ever says that. Because it would be RETARDED.
Ladies, can we please aspire to something a little more than just making babies? Of course there is nothing wrong with making babies. We're brilliant at it. Our bodies are finely crafted machines, for lack of a better word, designed specifically to do that, so obviously it's not an activity to be shunned or ashamed of. I'm just saying it's not the best we can do. Think of it this way. Two dollar crack whores can have babies. But it takes a real woman to get off the crack, get a job, a place to live, get that baby back from state custody, and raise it into a young adult with a future they can make something of. How about we aspire to be good mothers, good community members, good partners who can model a lifetime commitment of love for the person of our choosing, good contributors to our society and economy, either in the workforce or as responsible consumers. Let's not demean ourselves every time someone throws a challenge at us by saying what that ridiculous chef said, who, by the way, got her ass thrown out of Hell's Kitchen on the first night, and good riddance I say.
